jumex:

Tired of trying to be hot and perfect all the time. I look how I look and y’all can just take

peachy–kitten:

“Suddenly she realized that what she was regretting was not the lost past but the lost future, not what had not been but what would never be.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, “A Nice Quiet Place”  (via wordsnquotes)

alicehoffmans:

Tbh?? I’ll probably eventually get to some with this meme, but like:

1. saying the wrong woman’s name at the altar
2. wanting to hook up with someone hot but noping out because their apartment is too messy/dirty (hypochondriac + fastidiously clean?? i think not)
3. “Get OFF my sister!!!!”

4. “We had to stop at every maple candy stand on the way here.” * visibly vibrating*

5. “There he is, the father of my child, the porn king of the west Village.”

6. screaming @ his boss because he ate his (labeled) sandwich that was in the communal fridge  
7. taking all the amenities from hotel rooms and not checking out until the last possible moment
8. “Have you considered therapy?” “I think…just the annulment…for today.”
9. buying a pair of leather pants that are too tight, taking them off in his date’s bathroom and not being able to get them back on
10. “Three divorces!” (in parrot from Aladdin voice) 
11. singing Baby Got Back to an actual baby; not realizing how inappropriate the chorus is until right after (”I’m a terrible father!”)
12. using the spare key to get into his ex’s apartment so he can get his pink shirt back (because it is his favorite shirt)
13. “If I went over there I’d be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up…’jump up my own ass and die’.”
14. glaring at the nanny when they play Greensleeves on their recorder. 

15. “She said you actually proposed to her.”  “Well, I didn’t! I didn’t propose! Unless…. Did I? I haven’t slept in 40 hours, and it does sound like something I would do…”  

• “You’re a freak.” “Perhaps.”
• Hooking up with someone because they read and liked his dissertation.
• “I am asking you to do me a favor.” “You are asking me not to be your wife.” “And as my wife, I think…you should grant me this favor.”

novitiate:

everybody listen to kate bush’s running up that hill and shut up