youcantcancelquidditch:

youcantcancelquidditch:

the lock jammed on the front door of my shitty prewar apartment building so i just spent twenty minutes forcing it open while my very drunk neighbor sat on the steps nodding at my efforts and going “this is fun. being locked out together. we should hang out more”

he’s like 6’2” and jacked at one point he was like “try a kick. try… kicking it” so i donkey kicked it as hard as i could and it did absolutely nothing but he was still like “wow. more torque…. than i expected. you’ve got a surprising, uh. torque to size ratio” and i think i’m putting it on my resume

bitterfuckinglesbian:

bitterfuckinglesbian:

people should just embrace jewel tones already if I see one more house entirely decorated in washed out neutral colours I’m gonna sue someone

hell is not a fiery demon pit its a never ending white and cream minimalist apartment, every time someone paints a room entirely white and adds a pale blue throw cushion for “a splash of colour” they are carrying out the work of the devil